by carl wilson

Little Crib of Horrors

itod.jpg

iPods for babies? "iTods"? Oh, why not just get them baby Hummers (as if the strollers weren't enough) and baby financial-news networks and call civilization over with? Just say go fuck yourself, Fisher Price.

If your child is feeling left out because you are all the time wearing your iPod and not hearing what she is saying, the answer is not to buy her a little sprite's iPod all her own, the better to deafen her and induce social disorders. The answer is to stop being such a wretched excuse for a parent and take off your freaking iPod. Gawd, I hope this is a media hoax, but it's not, is it?

Which seems like an opportune time to note that the dearly beloved Sean Michaels of Said the Gramophone seems to be a regular (and, I assume, paid) contributor of worthy material (although not this item) to the aforelinked Wired-magazine music blog, Listening Post. But he keeps it awfully quiet. So quiet not even a toddler's iPod could hear. About which, if I haven't made myself clear, go to hell.

| Posted by zoilus on Tuesday, April 11 at 6:15 PM | Linking Posts | Comments (8)

 

COMMENTS

To get back to headphones - I saw a pic of Apple Martin (Chris & Gwyneth's kid, of course) wearing them, on the weekend. Didn't look like an iTod, tho.

Posted by zoilus on April 17, 2006 5:11 PM

 

 

hi carl! was away in Orkney so missed your kind mention. thank you.

Posted by Sean on April 15, 2006 6:45 AM

 

 

My spouse & I don't jog, but we got a jogging stroller for the convenience, and it's fantastic. Room for blankets, extra clothes, my jacket when I get too hot, food, a bag of groceries, another bag hanging from the handle, a couple books, a travel mug -- and oh yeah, the kid too.

I haven't noticed any anti-stroller rhetoric in Seattle. People are generally nice or indifferent when we're out and about; classic guy that I am, I even sometimes get irked when people hold doors open for me, as if I'm not used to doing 3 things with 2 hands all the time. I try to keep my irkedness to myself, though.

Solicitous: The drug-scarred street punk urging me not to take my son into the public toilet that he's coming out of, "It's too dirty for him, man."

Posted by john on April 13, 2006 4:50 PM

 

 

Okay, cheap shot, you're right, Jody. However, some of the prices are ridiculous, and I do think they should be designed so that they don't forcefully tell the rest of the world they have no right to the sidewalk. You know, some SUVs are practical for families too, but what's annoying about both is the don't-give-a-damn-about-the-rest-of-you statement they seem set on making, the willful excess that seems to work as a selling point. That said, the best thing about the new strollers, or at least some of them, is that they raise the child to a decent height. I've always found it disgusting that kids are made to travel at dog height along the sidewalks, interacting with shoes and litter rather than the people. So that much is certainly an improvement, and I can't fault parents for wanting some diaper-carrying space in them too.

You're right that it's no doubt a minority of loud, pushy yupparents who give other parents a bad name, and I'm by no means smugly childless. My main reaction to seeing nice parents and kids anywhere is warm, with maybe a smidgen of envy. But a few do seem to live in self-satisfied bubbles.

Not nearly as bad as Manhattan dog owners, though!

Posted by zoilus on April 13, 2006 1:26 PM

 

 

Warning: mild rant coming.

Carl, totally agree with you about the baby iPods -- frightening -- but can I stick up for the strollers (and stroller-pushing parents) for a sec? I've noticed a lot of nasty anti-stroller rhetoric (in the media and on the street), usually from childless hipsters who resent having to share the sidewalk with these vehicles (and the creatures that ride them). Now, it happens that my wife and I have an old-school El Cheapo McClarens, and not one of the pricey designer strollers, like the Bugaboo (the "SUV of strollers"). But the fact is those Bugaboos are beautifully designed -- great form and function. I've lusted after them on the playground and am not embarrassed to admit that I wish I had one: they look great and work very well. It's a bit rich when some dingbat hipster who drops several thou on a repro Eames chair starts bitching about a fancy kid-mobile that gets put to good use every day of the week.

There's SO MUCH to loathe about yuppie parent culture. I don't doubt that there are tons of selfish moms and dads who go steamrolling across sidewalks and through subways, bashing into innocent pedestrians. But I reckon the majority of 'rents aren't like that. For those of us who love cities and don't wish to leave them even when we have kids, strollers are totally essential -- schlepping around town with your kid, and his food, and the shopping, etc. etc. is an insane trial. (Would it be better if all "breeders" moved to the 'burbs and polluted the environment driving between malls?) So I guess I don't get the snobby-snide CW about fancy strollers. I mean, what's the big deal?

BTW: Carl, none of this bitching directed at you, personally. This has been bugging me for a while so I just had to jump on the soapbox.

Posted by Jody on April 13, 2006 11:18 AM

 

 

if it's for babies, maybe they should call it i-Pood.

Posted by wendi on April 12, 2006 4:13 PM

 

 

I've never liked headphones, though I've always enjoyed watching joggers with their Walk[persons] and its technological descendants. I just *know* they're all listening to Vangelis' "Chariots of Fire" as they run. Aren't they?

Posted by john on April 11, 2006 8:37 PM

 

 

This goes along nicely with Momus' new piece, in Wired, of all places, titled "Hell Is Other People's Music."

http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70625-0.html?tw=rss.index

His main point: how about some "non-music" every once in a while?

Posted by Ryan on April 11, 2006 7:13 PM

 

 

 

Zoilus by Carl Wilson